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Confessions of a Secular Music Addict

By Nubbie (Not her real name), Toronto

These are my confessions. Just when I thought I said all I could say my chick on the side said she got one on the way. These are my confessions.

These are the infamous lyrics of Usher Raymond's Confessions. I used to be an avid secular music lover and these are my confessions. I breathed, drank, and ate music. To the point that I left my radio on 24/7, and warned my family not to touch the dial. I loved the Ushers, the Commons, the Beyonces, and the whole entire genre of Hip Hop and Rhythm & Blues. I memorized the lyrics of these artist by heart, read their bios, and most of all, bought their albums. Listening to music became an addiction; to the point that I would wake up in the middle of my sleep to listen to a song at night. Call me weird, but music became my god. I turned to music for comfort when I was hurt and for it to cheer me up when I was sad. And once I sang along and danced to the beat, I was on high and it gave me a sense of a closure. The beats captivated me and made me feel good like uh. You know what I mean.

I finally decided to throw away all secular music CDs after I heard a sermon stating that whatever garbage I put in my mouth is what will come out. Garbage in, garbage out. So I gathered all my CDs and
walked to the garbage can; I scanned through the collection thinking maybe I should keep the one without profanity, keep the ones I really love, and the ones that are not that profane. So, I threw some of the CDs away. I was doing well on my new path of not listening to secular music…until Usher released 8701. "I'm not going listen, I'm not going listen!"
I

 kept telling myself. But then I could not take it anymore. I logged on my computer and downloaded the WHOLE album, plus some. I was back on my usual path, after burning the album and listening to the songs. I learned the lyrics to the whole album in three days, and trust me, I adlib
through half the songs I sing at church, which I have been singing since I was young.

Now I was at the point of no return. Jamming to all kinds of songs. Some of these lyrics just flowed and rolled off my tongue like "Go shorty it's your birthday, we gone party like it's your birthday" or "Now I
ain't saying she a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke nigga, get down girl gone head get down.." These lyrics just rhymed and narrated the best stories I had ever heard, who could forget the story of Stan by Eminem? I was very captivated by the music that these artists produced.
I totally felt Usher's dilemma on the Confessions track, when he contemplated whether to tell Chilli about getting another girl three months pregnant. I was right there with Puffy or is it P. Diddy, with his search, when he needed a girl in both part one and two.

There was something seriously wrong with this picture. Not only was I memorizing ridiculous lyrics of Confessions, but also, profanity that I would not use, repeating names of drinks (Cristal, and Don Perignon) and having imaginary parties with these songs. Don't laugh! Don't you act like you've
never partied with Diddy in your head! I was wrapped up in the secular music world. There was no turning back.

One day, a friend noticed the direction that I was heading - I mean, I kept placing him on hold to listen to songs - and advised me. He pointed out that, if I really want to stop listening to secular music, I should set my mind, and pray about it. I should ask God for His strength, and perseverance. After the encouragement, we prayed and I made up my mind to NOT go back. I gathered up all the CDs once again, the burned, the originals, the remixes, and the favourite Ushers, and chucked them. It was a very tough for me. As I walked to the garbage, I felt like a pallbearer burying a part of me. A part that
was never to be dug up again. It was a struggle brethren, I must say it was.

But my friends helped. By changing the dial when I got into their cars, they were a big support. I got down on my knees and prayed to God to give me strength daily. I realized that music did not take my hurt away when I needed comforting. Ten minutes after the beats and the lyrics, those feelings were
still there. The Word of God was what I should have turned to. His word says Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11: 28. Looking back today, I can say that I have gained nothing from listening to secular music, I have wasted my time, and most of
all money - at buying countless CDs for twenty dollars each. As it is written in 1 Corinthians 3:19 "For the wisdom of the world is foolishness in God's eyes."

All the lyrics I memorized were of no use to me, but to my demise, as I acquired a dictionary of profanity. But now, it was Operation Gospel. I set my radio at a dial other than flow 93.5 and got myself familiarized with a different kind of beat and lyrics: gospel music. Listening to the likes of Nicole C. Mullen and Cece Winans just empowered me; lyrics such as the ones of "When I call on Jesus" or "My Redeemer lives" were food to my soul. I have taken it day by day as God has given me strength, and I must say that secular
music does not have a hold of me anymore. This is a story of my triumph over myself. Because in most of the battles in life you will be fighting against yourself. But I KNOW that God will help you with your battle, whatever it may be, just like He helped me with mine. These are my confessions.

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